Elective Amputation

I really hate to harp on the whole amputation thing-- but ever since my smallpox vaccine lesion turned kind of grey with a surrounding swollen, painful, itchy red ring, I've been spending some time thinking about cutting my left arm off. Undressing for bed has become troublesome, as has putting on my coat in the morning. I take Benadryl for the itching but that just brings me two big additional steps closer to being an authentic zombie-- necrotic flesh and all.

I love a good learning opportunity, but the next time any or all of the following words are the fine print I think I'll politely decline: vaccination, bioterrorism preparedness, Atlanta, poxvirology.

But back to elective amputations. Since I'm getting awfully tired of my left arm, I decided to look them up. Apparently they're kind of poo-pooed in the medical world, and should you let on that you want to have one of your mostly or entirely healthy limbs removed you may find yourself tagged as having Body Integrity Identity Disorder [BIID]. There are three different manifestations of the disorder: people who are aroused by amputees/being an amputee ("devotees"), people who use crutches or wheelchairs in order to simulate being an amputee ("pretenders"), and people who undergo elective amputation to remove a healthy limb ("wannabees"). I think that last one is pretty harsh, but that may indicate borderline devotee status.

Ultimately, I don't really fit under any of those categories because my limb is causing legitimate discomfort. BIID is described as a "bizarre and extremely rare psychological disorder" but it doesn't seem so bizarre to me, especially after seeing THIS website.

I mean, who wouldn't want to fit in with these people? And their website is the most popular! Sign me up!