Standardize me, please!
I'm trying to get better at taking standardized tests.
Also, I just threw up in my mouth a litle bit after writing that. What a stupid, mind-sucking, waste of a thing to do! I'm spending hours and hours of my time pouring over "textbooks" published by various companies who all claim to have The Secret to Mastering the GREs. They all tell me that the GREs are "just a game" and that I have to get good at this game. They also tell me that in order to do well at the game, I have to have a "positive attitude" about the game. Well, just a few things:
1. If the GRE is a game, it's one of the most UNFAIR games ever created. Most of us grew up with a calculator readily at hand to help us crunch numbers on math tests. All of a sudden, NO CALCULATORS ALLOWED on the GREs! Most of us also probably had ample time in which to flex our logic muscles during math tests/essay tests. SORRY! On the GREs you'd better spend approximately 30 seconds on "easy" problems so that you can budget your time and give your self at least ONE MINUTE for those tough ones. Keep in mind, you have no calculator. You're supposed to be able to rapidly assess the problem and find the cheapest, dirtiest, quickest way to solve it. Sounds kind of like the way IDIOTS fix a problem, doesn't it? Sure you can slap some duct tape on a gaping wound, but you're probably going to DIE of sepsis a few days later.
2. I don't PLAY games that aren't fair, let alone try really hard to succeed at them. For instance, if someone entered me in a race and then cut off my legs and told me to start practicing running with my arms, I'd drag my bloody torso stump away and spit over my shoulder as I went. I'd probably get some mouth bacteria in my gaping wound and DIE of sepsis a few days later, but at least I would have made my point.
3. Shouldn't REALLY smart people be spending their time doing something other than trying to get good at a standardized test that will be useful once, and only once, in their lives?
Needless to say, this is causing me an inordinate amount of stress. In fact, I could even go so far as to say that the GREs are killing some of my brain cells. How? Just to make sure, I looked it up (something one CAN'T do on the GREs):
According to an article in the Rutger's University publication "Memory Loss and the Brain,"
Yes, I know it says "chronically elevated" but I'm sure spending months worrying about the GREs and then months worrying about getting accepted into a graduate program qualify as at least "sub-chronic."
And with that, I have to continue on my quest towards standardization...
Also, I just threw up in my mouth a litle bit after writing that. What a stupid, mind-sucking, waste of a thing to do! I'm spending hours and hours of my time pouring over "textbooks" published by various companies who all claim to have The Secret to Mastering the GREs. They all tell me that the GREs are "just a game" and that I have to get good at this game. They also tell me that in order to do well at the game, I have to have a "positive attitude" about the game. Well, just a few things:
1. If the GRE is a game, it's one of the most UNFAIR games ever created. Most of us grew up with a calculator readily at hand to help us crunch numbers on math tests. All of a sudden, NO CALCULATORS ALLOWED on the GREs! Most of us also probably had ample time in which to flex our logic muscles during math tests/essay tests. SORRY! On the GREs you'd better spend approximately 30 seconds on "easy" problems so that you can budget your time and give your self at least ONE MINUTE for those tough ones. Keep in mind, you have no calculator. You're supposed to be able to rapidly assess the problem and find the cheapest, dirtiest, quickest way to solve it. Sounds kind of like the way IDIOTS fix a problem, doesn't it? Sure you can slap some duct tape on a gaping wound, but you're probably going to DIE of sepsis a few days later.
2. I don't PLAY games that aren't fair, let alone try really hard to succeed at them. For instance, if someone entered me in a race and then cut off my legs and told me to start practicing running with my arms, I'd drag my bloody torso stump away and spit over my shoulder as I went. I'd probably get some mouth bacteria in my gaping wound and DIE of sepsis a few days later, but at least I would have made my point.
3. Shouldn't REALLY smart people be spending their time doing something other than trying to get good at a standardized test that will be useful once, and only once, in their lives?
Needless to say, this is causing me an inordinate amount of stress. In fact, I could even go so far as to say that the GREs are killing some of my brain cells. How? Just to make sure, I looked it up (something one CAN'T do on the GREs):
According to an article in the Rutger's University publication "Memory Loss and the Brain,"
Chronically elevated levels of stress (and stress hormones) can actually impair the ability to form new memories and even damage brain cells. One target of chronic stress on the brain, evidence suggests, is the hippocampus-a pair of structures that play a key role in the transformation of experiences and perceptions into enduring memories.
Yes, I know it says "chronically elevated" but I'm sure spending months worrying about the GREs and then months worrying about getting accepted into a graduate program qualify as at least "sub-chronic."
And with that, I have to continue on my quest towards standardization...
posted by Lena Webb at 5:40 PM
1 Comments:
standardized tests are quite possibly the greatest invention of human kind.
what better way of calculating an individuals intelligence by asking them to spend a significant portion of their day answering hundreds of the same questions... what questions? fuck all, they're hardly the point.
the point is to waste the time of the intelligent masses by assuring them that a gre is the only legitimate method of extrapolating whose the king shit.
you may think "this is stupid" it doesn't matter, its a standard. and no self respecting genius would shy away from the chance to prove they are above the normal standards of society.
the problem with this sound method is it batshit insanity.
if i could, i would ask that everyone submit a sentence, one sentence on why they deserve to be called smarter than all others. i've already got mine.
but i'm not sharing.
this was a horrible comment. i feel queasy, i'd fail the test.
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