It's a "yellow" or "elevated" kind of day...

I feel the need to explain this to all of you because you might be feeling scared sometime, and this knowledge is meant to make you feel more secure.

Two days ago I was waiting for my escort in the CDC's visitor lobby and I noticed an informative looking television screen. It told me a few things such as the temperature, the time, the latest public health headlines, and the Threat Condition. It was 80 degrees, 2:27pm, and Yellow.

Uh-oh. Was that bad? What does yellow mean? And isn't "threat condition" a completely nonsensical pairing of words? I thought "a threat" was something that was ALWAYS possible, thus making any condition threatening! Just because this prospect arroused a certain amount of FEAR, I looked it up:

Here is a schematic of the "Homeland Security Advisory System" with its color-coded Threat Conditions:

Okay, "yellow" means "elevated" which means "significant risk of terrorist attacks." Alright, what should I do now?

According to the Department of Homeland Security, when things are "yellow" or "elevated" I should:

1. Ensure that my disaster supply kit is stocked and ready!
2. Check telephone numbers in family emergency plan and update as necessary!
3. Develop alternate routes to/from work and practice them!
4. Continue to be alert for suspicious activity and report it to the authorities!

If you want to make sure you know what to do depending on what color it is, view this PDF:

http://www.dhs.gov/interweb/assetlibrary/CitizenGuidanceHSAS2.pdf

I feel a lot safer now, don't you? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to freeze-dry 360 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Bean interrupted.

Well, I've figured it out. Bean is suffering from Feline Compulsive Disorder (FCD). She exhibits so many of the characteristics mentioned in many articles on the subject. For instance, when I looked it up I found:

"Feline psychogenic alopecia: This is a stress-linked self-grooming behavior that appears to closely resemble trichotillomania (tearing out hair) in humans. The cat’s excessive licking and plucking pulls out hair in handfuls and leads to large areas of depilation particularly over the limbs, flanks and abdomen. It is more likely to occur in cats that are subordinate and friendly, and like most OCDs seems more common in the oriental breeds."

And

"Excessive vocalization: Frequent yowling noises. Siamese cats are much more likely to do this (genetically predisposed). The behavior is often enhanced by owners who find this yowling endearing and tend to "answer" the cat when it "speaks." For some cats, this attention is very rewarding, which makes their yowling more frequent. A problem then arises when the human wants to turn the yowling off, and the cat is still trying to seek attention and reward. In extreme cases, yowling may even become a form of obsessive compulsive behavior requiring behavioral therapy and medication."

(From www.pethealthcare.com and www.healthypet.com, respectively)

Additional and personal observations include:
- Freaking out at invisible things
- Dashing madly to the back of my apartment and meowing hysterically
- DEMANDING my personal attention by sitting in front of me and yowling like someone is killing her.

Many of these websites tell my vet would prescribe fluoxetine. HUMAN PROZAC. Jeez, Bean and I would have to share that. It's so expensive. We're both depressed. Dr. Webb prescribes lots of naps with Bean, where she purrs and I nap.

(Picture courtesy of Mackenzie Firer-Sherwood and used without both her AND Bean's consent.)

Gewgaws, baubles...

The lovely and informative Mackenzie "Kenztronic" Firer-Sherwood told me that the word of today is "gewgaw." I learned what gewgaw meant a long time ago when playing my favorite esoteric word game, "Bethump'd with Words." I also knew that "bauble" is a synonym for "gewgaw" and I thought I'd look up what some of the OTHER words describing a "showy trinket" might be. As listed on www.dict.org [SO much better than dictionary.com], some of my favorites are:

cockhorse
folderol [a painkiller I haven't heard of? for laundry ladies? for filing clerks?]
frippery
gimcrack
kickshaw
knickknackery
shit [I'm not kidding]
teetotum
whatnot
whim-wham

Next time I go shopping at "Ross" I plan on acquiring much knickknackery. And at least one whim-wham.

A hike, anyone?

I want to hike the Appalachian Trail. I want to spend a significant amount of time being dirty and miserable for a good reason, like because I WANT to-- not because my bathroom is falling apart. I know it's far, but I don't know how far. I'll look it up:

According to Wikipedia, the FREE encyclopedia, the AT is 2,174 miles long and it passes trough [in order] Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticuit, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine!

I'll admit, this is all because I saw a special on PBS. Sure, your feet probably fall off when you're done and backwoods folk try to have sex with you along the way, but when they play that adventurous banjo riff while zooming in on a fall leaf...

And the Cutest Sentence Award goes to...

THIS SENTENCE:

"Last Friday Dr. Brown announced that Xena has a tiny moon, making it seem even more planetlike"

I can just see this furry little astronomer proudly announcing the tiny moon, and with a dramatic widening of his eyes and a lowered vocal timbre saying "now it seems even MORE planetlike!" I was hoping to see what this man looks like, so I looked it up:

Hmmm... Not quite what I expected Dr. Brown to look like. In fact, I was hoping for something like this:


Oh well, I guess not all astronomers can be furry and adorable.