Some Things I Have Recently Looked Up

Does Will Shortz have a Real Job?

2006-08-19T21:42:00.000-04:00

A huge foreword to this post is going to go something like:

I don't really care about the answer to the titular question because I do [read: try to do] the New York Times crossword puzzle every day and I pretty much rely on Will for my daily dose of entertainment.

But one has to wonder.
The man was a self-invented Enigmology major from Indiana University and afterwards he had an affair with law school, but skipped the bar exam to pursue a "career" in "puzzles" instead.

The most unsettling obersvation that goes along with the daily puzzle doing is that Will always seems to have a partner in puzzle constructing crime. Some common-named nobody who could be your next-door neighbor. A compelling portion of an interview with a co-star in the recent movie "Wordplay" sends a chill of confirmation down my spine:

CS: Do you think Will might start getting all of these puzzles from would-be puzzlemakers because of the movie?
Creadon: He might. He gets about 60-70 puzzles a week. He writes back to everyone who sends him puzzles, he gives them notes. If he accepts it, he'll run it and let them know. If he doesn't, about 90% of the puzzles he gets do not run, but he'll write back and say, "You know what? I've done this theme before," or "I wasn't too crazy about some of the words in this puzzle, but you're getting there." This is extremely important to Will.

I'm sure it is important! Will Shortz, affiliated with the prestigious NY Times and now with a WILDLY succesful film, must be terrified of burning out. You can only cram:
"Erns"
"Epee"
"Etre"
"Err"
"Ere"
"Espouse"
"Eft"
Etc, etc, etc... into a puzzle so many times during the week. Does Will Shortz claim joint custody over each day's puzzle to shift the burden of flak he must incur? By "burden" I am referring to the piles of canine, and perhaps ursine, feces and bottles of human urine that must accumulate on Mr. Shortz's doorstop come Thursday and continue on through Saturday.

I suppose I can't deem Will Shortz's job real or fake, but I can say that I'd feel a whole lot better about it if he didn't farm out the crossword task. Come on, Will, you're an Enigmologist. Get wit it now.

Space Madness

2006-07-11T13:01:00.000-04:00

I was listening to NPR yesterday and heard about the two astronauts doing repairs on the International Space Station, and the term "Space Madness" popped into my head.

Space Madness. What a chilling set of words, right? Space is a place where you can't breathe and madness is just plain debilitating. It's also the title of one of the scariest episodes of "Ren and Stimpy" I'd ever seen, but surely that can't be the point of origination of that little tingle of fear that shoots down my spine when I hear those words in sequence. Space Madness must be something really bad-- something that makes astronauts want to chew their own helmet-encased faces off. Something that makes the buddies of the afflicted astronaut shake their heads and realize that they're going to have to cut the tether line and let him go because there's simply nothing else that can be done. Because I've never been in space, or known anyone who has, I'm woefully uneducated on the topic-- so I looked it up:

"Defiance, detachment, disagreement – harmful emotions in any small group situation, but in Outer Space these feelings are particularly damaging and possibly life endangering."

Life endangering. So we're getting to the rip-your-own-face-off part, right?

“In everyday life we are very socially dynamic and belong to a number of groups, such as family, work and friends. There are a number of psychological advantages to having such a dynamic social environment, which will be absent when people spend long periods of time in isolation.”

Okay, so the astronauts won't be able to sit and pass a blunt around while watching "So you think you can dance?" when they're in space. I kind of figured they'd be prepared for that, being astronauts and all...

The article that I referenced, entitled "How to Avoid Space Madness," details efforts by an Australian research team to simulate the lonely and stressful environment of Outer Space. The test astronauts get injected with a daily dose of cortisol [which our bodies release naturally in response to elevated stress levels] and then go get stressed out in some capsule. Some of the things the researchers were most interested in were how the subjects worked in a cohesive group and the potential problems that go along with cohesive groups.

“One thing we are interested in is the question of whether or not groups are good or bad for your health,” Dr. Eggins says. “We know that in cohesive groups people perform better, work harder and are more cooperative than in loose-knit groups.

“But do cohesive groups make us work too hard and what does that do to our stress levels?”

There are also other issues relating to the wrong sort of cohesion in a group, and small sub-groups forming within larger groups.

“There is a danger groups may become too cohesive,” Mr. Krins says.

There's also a danger that one of the astronauts might feel left out, or might want to borrow the saftey scissors and the others won't share-- THEN WHAT?! And let's not forget the greater danger that research money is being squandered on total boring dumb crap. Come on. "Space Madness" is sounding more and more like "Space Restless Leg Syndrome" and I'm thoroughly disappointed. No longer will Space Madness hold such a romantic/dangerous/terrifying place in my heart. No longer will I be able to imagine a sweaty astronaut with his eyes rolled back in his skull drifting towards the sun-- cut loose, crazy, and doomed to melt in his suit. Alas, this is now the only image that the term is capable of conjuring up:

Coke Blāk

2006-04-28T11:39:00.000-04:00

It's been over one week now, and I think my body has finally managed to return to homeostasis. My mind, however, may never be the same.

One tentative sip of this classy-looking beverage and five minutes later I was yammering on about whatever was able to hold my now fleeting attention span, and I was struggling desperately against a giggling streak that was ready to explode at any moment from the gates of my clenched jawbones. I felt capable of cracking the best jokes, singing along the loudest, and basically just being the happiest. I felt high-- it was great.

"Finally!" I thought, "I know what it's like to be a bird!"

A bird? No. A plane! NO. A SNARLING DOG.

Perhaps it's no small coincidence that, upon looking up an image of the product under scrutiny, the fourth picture available is of this demonic creature.

Dr. Jekyll was a smart, witty, well-respected man until he drank that stuff and turned into Mr. Hyde [that asshole guy without an advanced degree]. "That stuff" was definitely Coke Blāk, because what my friends don't know is that after Chipper Lena stepped out of the car fumbling for her house keys, she broke the key in the lock. No problem, because the tablespoon of demon fuel in her veins was just enough to allow her to punch a hole in the door. After grinding some baking soda into her teeth and tearing her clothes off for bed, she lay rigid and slept with her eyes open and fixed on the ceiling not blinking-- not once.

The next morning she woke up to find several empty Slim Jim containers and barbeque sauce bottles with the caps crudely gnawed off. Also, this picture of "her friends" [on the back reading: the Coca-Cola Development Team]

So what is in this terrifying [yet extremely attractively packaged] beverage?

Ingredients: Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, natural flavors, coffee extract, phosphoric acid, potassium sorbate and potassium benzoate (to protect taste), caffeine, aspartame, acesulfame potassium

Oh. It must have been the aceslfame potassium.

"What's an 'Immune System?'"

2006-02-08T14:23:00.000-05:00

While my eyes were glazing over in front of the television yesterday, a grating child's voice stated "I think salmonella is a kind of dinosaur!" Then another one said "I don't know how not to get sick!" and another asked "What's an immune system?" It turns out it was a commercial for Purell or some other we're-all-scared-of-dying gel. This particular company used ignorant, snuffling, touching, sneezing children to spread its message of fear-- but I found myself not worried about encountering germs, but worried about how much I know about what happens when my body encounters them.

I suppose that last child's question, combined with the fact that I'm currently stumbling unassisted through a series of failing immunopreciptation experiments here at the CDC, made me wish I'd had an immunology course at Skidmore. What IS an immune system?!

Yikes!

My biggest question is: what are the genetics involved in specific antibody production? I have a sketchy idea about innate vs. adaptive immunity, and the hideously complicated cascade of events that is kicked off when a pathogen is encountered and its antigens are presented to this cell that turns into that cell and yadda yadda and eventually antibodies are secreted. But are there genes just sitting in these immune cells that are waiting to be transcribed when a certain signal is given? And then you get a perfectly specific antibody? Just like that? The array of antigens that pathogens possess is so vast and diverse, how are our immune cells "told" what to make? I looked it up. All day. And I think I've found an answer in "Immunobiology" which is a text book available online through PubMed.

"The startling feature that emerged from the biochemical studies was that an antibody molecule is composed of two distinct regions. One is a constant region that can take one of only four or five biochemically distinguishable forms; the other is a variable region that can take an apparently infinite variety of subtly different forms that allow it to bind specifically to an equally vast variety of different antigens."

Okay, but how do you end up with one of the infinite options when you only have so many genes?

"This question was answered in 1976, when Susumu Tonegawa discovered that the genes for immunoglobulin variable regions are inherited as sets of gene segments, each encoding a part of the variable region. During B-cell development in the bone marrow, these gene segments are irreversibly joined by DNA recombination to form a stretch of DNA encoding a complete variable region. Because there are many different gene segments in each set, and different gene segments are joined together in different cells, each cell generates unique genes for the variable regions of the heavy and light chains of the immunoglobulin molecule. Once these recombination events have succeeded in producing a functional receptor, further rearrangement is prohibited. Thus each lymphocyte expresses only one receptor specificity."

Oh! So it's like fast-paced "evolution" with many options being produced, and only one is successful and gets the job done.

I still don't really understand how that type of "natural selection" works so quickly and keeps us from dying so well, and I don't understand the pressures that enhance the production of the successful antibody, but I do understand a LITTLE bit more about the immune system. And now I'm going home to watch more shitty commercials.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Purell.

Were Watson and Crick "my type?"

2005-12-28T13:53:00.000-05:00

I looked it up:

Yes, yes they were.

Elective Amputation

2005-12-13T09:37:00.000-05:00

I really hate to harp on the whole amputation thing-- but ever since my smallpox vaccine lesion turned kind of grey with a surrounding swollen, painful, itchy red ring, I've been spending some time thinking about cutting my left arm off. Undressing for bed has become troublesome, as has putting on my coat in the morning. I take Benadryl for the itching but that just brings me two big additional steps closer to being an authentic zombie-- necrotic flesh and all.

I love a good learning opportunity, but the next time any or all of the following words are the fine print I think I'll politely decline: vaccination, bioterrorism preparedness, Atlanta, poxvirology.

But back to elective amputations. Since I'm getting awfully tired of my left arm, I decided to look them up. Apparently they're kind of poo-pooed in the medical world, and should you let on that you want to have one of your mostly or entirely healthy limbs removed you may find yourself tagged as having Body Integrity Identity Disorder [BIID]. There are three different manifestations of the disorder: people who are aroused by amputees/being an amputee ("devotees"), people who use crutches or wheelchairs in order to simulate being an amputee ("pretenders"), and people who undergo elective amputation to remove a healthy limb ("wannabees"). I think that last one is pretty harsh, but that may indicate borderline devotee status.

Ultimately, I don't really fit under any of those categories because my limb is causing legitimate discomfort. BIID is described as a "bizarre and extremely rare psychological disorder" but it doesn't seem so bizarre to me, especially after seeing THIS website.

I mean, who wouldn't want to fit in with these people? And their website is the most popular! Sign me up!

Ribozymes: Could anything be more awesome?

2005-11-30T10:17:00.000-05:00

Indulge my nerdgasm, please.

Every once in a while I start to miss working with RNA, and I really miss learning about RNA. It's the coolest nucleic acid, hands down. As Bjork is to Britney Spears, RNA is to DNA. As flan is to vanilla pudding, RNA is to DNA. As heroin or "horse" is to whippets, RNA is to DNA. Etc, etc, etc.

I may be a little hyperbolic in making these statements, because after all DNA is the template from which RNA is synthesized, but there is no doubt that RNA is infinitely more versatile and mysterious. Also, while those two playboy hacks [or "History's Hottest Doubleteam"] Watson and Crick are the first people that come to mind when one thinks about DNA, legitimately sexy names like Tom Cech [see the post "Old men that I want and why I want them" in my other blog] spring to mind when one thinks of RNA.

So today I thought I would look up one of my favorite things about RNA: its ability to catalyze reactions. That's right, RNA isn't just a boring single-stranded thing whose only purpose is to encode a protein-- it is capable of catalysis just like an enzyme-- and often it performs its catalysis with MORE fidelity than an enzyme can muster. I found this wonderful outline, with diagrams, of what is known regarding RNA's ability to catalyze reactions:

http://nobelprize.org/chemistry/articles/cech/

It's written by Tom Cech, and I think it's pretty darned interesting. Also, bringing up the "RNA World Hypothesis" at any social event will make you appear at least ten times more attractive than you really are.

If it's possible,

2005-11-08T22:02:00.000-05:00

I'd like to see someone choke on an iPod nano. Accidentally, of course, like the way a mouth-breather might inhale a large insect while riding a bike. Is it possible? I looked it up:

According to Apple.com, the iPod nano is "Only 3.5 x 1.6 x 0.27 inches and 1.5 ounces."

Also, according to MDChoice.com, "foreign objects ingested that are over 6 cm should be removed endoscopically".

I bet you could get an iPod down there, then.

Additionally, "prodigieusement petit" means "easily swallowed" in French.

It's a "yellow" or "elevated" kind of day...

2005-10-21T18:38:00.000-04:00

I feel the need to explain this to all of you because you might be feeling scared sometime, and this knowledge is meant to make you feel more secure.

Two days ago I was waiting for my escort in the CDC's visitor lobby and I noticed an informative looking television screen. It told me a few things such as the temperature, the time, the latest public health headlines, and the Threat Condition. It was 80 degrees, 2:27pm, and Yellow.

Uh-oh. Was that bad? What does yellow mean? And isn't "threat condition" a completely nonsensical pairing of words? I thought "a threat" was something that was ALWAYS possible, thus making any condition threatening! Just because this prospect arroused a certain amount of FEAR, I looked it up:

Here is a schematic of the "Homeland Security Advisory System" with its color-coded Threat Conditions:

Okay, "yellow" means "elevated" which means "significant risk of terrorist attacks." Alright, what should I do now?

According to the Department of Homeland Security, when things are "yellow" or "elevated" I should:

1. Ensure that my disaster supply kit is stocked and ready!
2. Check telephone numbers in family emergency plan and update as necessary!
3. Develop alternate routes to/from work and practice them!
4. Continue to be alert for suspicious activity and report it to the authorities!

If you want to make sure you know what to do depending on what color it is, view this PDF:

http://www.dhs.gov/interweb/assetlibrary/CitizenGuidanceHSAS2.pdf

I feel a lot safer now, don't you? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to freeze-dry 360 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Bean interrupted.

2005-10-18T01:35:00.000-04:00

Well, I've figured it out. Bean is suffering from Feline Compulsive Disorder (FCD). She exhibits so many of the characteristics mentioned in many articles on the subject. For instance, when I looked it up I found:

"Feline psychogenic alopecia: This is a stress-linked self-grooming behavior that appears to closely resemble trichotillomania (tearing out hair) in humans. The cat’s excessive licking and plucking pulls out hair in handfuls and leads to large areas of depilation particularly over the limbs, flanks and abdomen. It is more likely to occur in cats that are subordinate and friendly, and like most OCDs seems more common in the oriental breeds."

And

"Excessive vocalization: Frequent yowling noises. Siamese cats are much more likely to do this (genetically predisposed). The behavior is often enhanced by owners who find this yowling endearing and tend to "answer" the cat when it "speaks." For some cats, this attention is very rewarding, which makes their yowling more frequent. A problem then arises when the human wants to turn the yowling off, and the cat is still trying to seek attention and reward. In extreme cases, yowling may even become a form of obsessive compulsive behavior requiring behavioral therapy and medication."

(From www.pethealthcare.com and www.healthypet.com, respectively)

Additional and personal observations include:
- Freaking out at invisible things
- Dashing madly to the back of my apartment and meowing hysterically
- DEMANDING my personal attention by sitting in front of me and yowling like someone is killing her.

Many of these websites tell my vet would prescribe fluoxetine. HUMAN PROZAC. Jeez, Bean and I would have to share that. It's so expensive. We're both depressed. Dr. Webb prescribes lots of naps with Bean, where she purrs and I nap.

(Picture courtesy of Mackenzie Firer-Sherwood and used without both her AND Bean's consent.)

Gewgaws, baubles...

2005-10-12T13:52:00.000-04:00

The lovely and informative Mackenzie "Kenztronic" Firer-Sherwood told me that the word of today is "gewgaw." I learned what gewgaw meant a long time ago when playing my favorite esoteric word game, "Bethump'd with Words." I also knew that "bauble" is a synonym for "gewgaw" and I thought I'd look up what some of the OTHER words describing a "showy trinket" might be. As listed on www.dict.org [SO much better than dictionary.com], some of my favorites are:

cockhorse
folderol [a painkiller I haven't heard of? for laundry ladies? for filing clerks?]
frippery
gimcrack
kickshaw
knickknackery
shit [I'm not kidding]
teetotum
whatnot
whim-wham

Next time I go shopping at "Ross" I plan on acquiring much knickknackery. And at least one whim-wham.

A hike, anyone?

2005-10-09T23:30:00.000-04:00

I want to hike the Appalachian Trail. I want to spend a significant amount of time being dirty and miserable for a good reason, like because I WANT to-- not because my bathroom is falling apart. I know it's far, but I don't know how far. I'll look it up:

According to Wikipedia, the FREE encyclopedia, the AT is 2,174 miles long and it passes trough [in order] Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticuit, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine!

I'll admit, this is all because I saw a special on PBS. Sure, your feet probably fall off when you're done and backwoods folk try to have sex with you along the way, but when they play that adventurous banjo riff while zooming in on a fall leaf...

And the Cutest Sentence Award goes to...

2005-10-04T12:24:00.000-04:00

THIS SENTENCE:

"Last Friday Dr. Brown announced that Xena has a tiny moon, making it seem even more planetlike"

I can just see this furry little astronomer proudly announcing the tiny moon, and with a dramatic widening of his eyes and a lowered vocal timbre saying "now it seems even MORE planetlike!" I was hoping to see what this man looks like, so I looked it up:

Hmmm... Not quite what I expected Dr. Brown to look like. In fact, I was hoping for something like this:

Oh well, I guess not all astronomers can be furry and adorable.

Amino Proteins?

2005-09-28T14:03:00.000-04:00

I was washing my hair with my new bottle of Pantene Pro-V shampoo this morning, and I noticed something REALLY stupid. The shampoo advertises being "NEW! With Amino Proteins!"

Uhm. Tell me, shampoo, what proteins AREN'T amino proteins? Also, who says "amino proteins?!" NOBODY! All proteins are made of amino acids, as far as I know-- there's simply no other way. So unless the folks at Proctor & Gamble have discovered something REALLY huge and are huddling over their vats of shampoo and conditioner cackling evilly, they're just plain stupid. Just to make sure, I looked up "amino protein" and guess what I got:

CRAP!

The only things that came up were some [probably fraudulent] muscle enhancer supplement, and a bunch of sites mentioning "amino/protein" which doesn't count.

I'm tempted to write to them, but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is some free sample of their idiot shampoo and I don't want THAT.

Standardize me, please!

2005-09-15T17:40:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to get better at taking standardized tests.

Also, I just threw up in my mouth a litle bit after writing that. What a stupid, mind-sucking, waste of a thing to do! I'm spending hours and hours of my time pouring over "textbooks" published by various companies who all claim to have The Secret to Mastering the GREs. They all tell me that the GREs are "just a game" and that I have to get good at this game. They also tell me that in order to do well at the game, I have to have a "positive attitude" about the game. Well, just a few things:

1. If the GRE is a game, it's one of the most UNFAIR games ever created. Most of us grew up with a calculator readily at hand to help us crunch numbers on math tests. All of a sudden, NO CALCULATORS ALLOWED on the GREs! Most of us also probably had ample time in which to flex our logic muscles during math tests/essay tests. SORRY! On the GREs you'd better spend approximately 30 seconds on "easy" problems so that you can budget your time and give your self at least ONE MINUTE for those tough ones. Keep in mind, you have no calculator. You're supposed to be able to rapidly assess the problem and find the cheapest, dirtiest, quickest way to solve it. Sounds kind of like the way IDIOTS fix a problem, doesn't it? Sure you can slap some duct tape on a gaping wound, but you're probably going to DIE of sepsis a few days later.

2. I don't PLAY games that aren't fair, let alone try really hard to succeed at them. For instance, if someone entered me in a race and then cut off my legs and told me to start practicing running with my arms, I'd drag my bloody torso stump away and spit over my shoulder as I went. I'd probably get some mouth bacteria in my gaping wound and DIE of sepsis a few days later, but at least I would have made my point.

3. Shouldn't REALLY smart people be spending their time doing something other than trying to get good at a standardized test that will be useful once, and only once, in their lives?

Needless to say, this is causing me an inordinate amount of stress. In fact, I could even go so far as to say that the GREs are killing some of my brain cells. How? Just to make sure, I looked it up (something one CAN'T do on the GREs):

According to an article in the Rutger's University publication "Memory Loss and the Brain,"

Chronically elevated levels of stress (and stress hormones) can actually impair the ability to form new memories and even damage brain cells. One target of chronic stress on the brain, evidence suggests, is the hippocampus-a pair of structures that play a key role in the transformation of experiences and perceptions into enduring memories.

Yes, I know it says "chronically elevated" but I'm sure spending months worrying about the GREs and then months worrying about getting accepted into a graduate program qualify as at least "sub-chronic."

And with that, I have to continue on my quest towards standardization...

I have a REAL problem!

2005-09-14T04:15:00.000-04:00

I have a somewhat severe difficulty urinating in public bathrooms, and I've always just called it having a "bashful bladder" or being "pee shy." I found out just today that it's a REAL problem with a REAL name: paruresis.

Apparently 1 in 10 people suffer from paruresis, and it's an anxiety disorder. If I'd known about "my condition" last December, I could have been in an NIH study and gotten paid $400!

Here are some characteristics of paruresis:

Being afraid or unable to urinate when others are nearby.

Sufferers worry that someone might knock on the toilet door, or see or hear them urinating, or be waiting patiently outside.

Feelings of anxiety, anger, and body shyness in provoking situations. These emotions lead to contraction of the internal and external urethral sphincters (circular muscles that voluntarily and involuntarily restrict the flow of urine), both of which must be relaxed for urination.

Avoidant paruresis usually occurs when using public toilet facilities, including those on trains, buses, boats and planes.

Producing a specimen for a medical examination can be especially troublesome.

The condition can also occur at home when there are other people in the house, irrespective of whether or not they are in the bathroom.

The difficulty disappears if sufferers are certain that no one is around or likely to arrive.

Now, the difference between me and most paruretics is that I'm not conscious of any embarrassment regarding the things involved in urination. I know everyone does it, and that I must as well. I don't find it disturbing to hear other people urinating, and in fact I'm mostly jealous of other urinators. Also, they say it usually affects men, but that's probably just because of the urinal thing.

There are various forms of therapy available for paruretics, but some of them seem pretty damned weird. For instance:

Treatment consists of six to ten weekly sessions of counseling. Patients arrive with a full bladder (made even more so through use of a diuretic) and repeatedly practice starting and stopping their urine flow in a variety of restrooms throughout the medical center. Patients begin in tiny bathrooms tucked away in remote corners and work up gradually to larger, more crowded lavatories.

In the beginning, the therapist stands outside the restroom and reassures the patient that no one will enter. Once the patient is calm enough to start urinating, the therapist gradually moves closer and closer.

Near the final session, the patient and therapist seek out the ultimate challenge: a football or basketball game or a concert - wherever people are lined up and waiting to get in.

Hmmm, a free concert might be fun!! Perhaps this kind of therapy would help because you'd be laughing so hard at the ridiculousness of your therapist "gradually moving closer and closer" that you'd end up peeing from the laughter!

White Nectarines SUCK.

2005-09-09T17:26:00.000-04:00

It looks like it would suck, doesn't it?

The texture is off, the flavor is lackluster, and they're just NOT that special. I didn't know if these fruits were born this way or if they were some kind of man-made genetic aberration. Turns out it's a little bit of both, according to an article in "Sunset Magazine."

As a group, white-fleshed peaches and nectarines aren't new. 'Babcock' peach has been around for years. Like other old white varieties, its fruits bruise more easily than yellow types, so they don't often show up in markets. When they do, they're usually immature (hard) and tasteless. But new developments by Zaiger Genetics have led to some tremendous improvements in flavor and, in some cases, durability. Now gardeners can choose between subacid and balanced-acid white peaches and nectarines -much like choosing between sweet and tart apples.

Yeah, well, whatever. I'm thoroughly disappointed with the white nectarine, and I don't give a hoot whether it's subacid or balanced-acid because it tastes like subCRAP.

Charlie Rose: Single? Stoned?...Vulnerable?

2005-09-07T16:49:00.000-04:00

I have a terrible, unquenchable, fervid, infatuation with interviewer Charlie Rose. There's just something about his haggard, stroke victim-like features-- and those combined with his uncanny ability to make little to no sense and still be the best interviewer on television, well, it's HOT! Damned hot!

In the middle of last night's episode where he was blathering on to Wynton Marsalis about Blues, and New Orleans soul music, I started thinking that the only way I'll ever get a chance to put the hot n' heavy moves on Charlie Rose is if I'm someday famous enough to be interviewed by him. Now there's something to write in a graduate school essay!

"Your molecular biology program is perfect for me, as it will afford me the chance to combine my interests in virology and mRNA metabolism, and I will use this interdisciplinary opportunity to help further our progress towards a vaccine for HIV. Then, God-willing, I will be interviewed on PBS's "Charlie Rose" and I won't wear stockings because when I slide my pumps off under that table and begin to stroke that beautiful man's ankle, I'll want him to feel my all of my toes. Individually."

I guess the real point here is that I was wondering if the man is single. I looked it up, and according to this (http://www.bloomberg.com/media/tv/crose/bio.html) brief biography, he IS single as of 1980. However, perhaps more recent sources mention that he has a girlfriend by the name of Amanda Burden.

Another thing I've always thought about Charlie Rose is that he's either completely drunk or completely stoned or completely both, most of the time. Let's face it, sometimes he makes absolutely no sense and he rarely seems able to hold a steady gaze with the camera. It turns out other have surmised the very same thing:

"Did Charlie get that chick from the West Wing stoned and then ask her tripped out questions? Critics are saying that the smell of marijuana permeated the airwaves during a show that aired Dec. 1, 2004 with Mary-Louise Parker.

Rose started the metaphysical questions almost immediately. He asked things about Parker's life that would never emerge without psychedelic stimulation, "so do you think that by talking in an interview you're really performing, I mean, I think your true self can come through, man, but Mike Nichols says no way," Rose at one point said. Next came an inexplicable reference to one General Patton, a man whom Rose said wore a pistol on his belt."
(From the message boards on www.charlierose.com)

Now all I have to do is get famous, score some high-quality herbage, and keep my toenails nice and taken care of.

Twin clones?

2005-09-06T00:52:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting in front of the computer a lot, ignoring lots of things as they happen in other rooms. Especially the boxes and the crap that needs to come with me to Atlanta, or stay here in New York. Especially them. I've also been ignoring my own mother a tidy sum, at least until tonight when, from the other room,her disembodied voice asked "why don't they call twins "clones?"

A good question, mother, a good question indeed.

I started with my usual "Well, it's probably because..." and then faded off into idiocy. I really just had no idea whatsoever, and there I was going to start running off my poorly-informed mouth yet again. Catching myself, I decided that since my retarded eyes were already glued to the computer screen that I might as well just look it up.

I found that twins are quite often referred to as "natural clones." What hurts the most is that I KNEW that already, I just wasn't glib enough to toss it out there.

There are several people I know that would be pretty disappointed in this little science student. It's a damned good thing few people read this, or at least few people with that elusive little quality known as a "scientific background."

Cheese and Wine Event

2005-08-22T00:02:00.000-04:00

Oh cheese.

I'm having Gouda and Cheddar on water crackers for dinner, and a chilled Torrontes by the name of "La Yunta." I got to thinking about cheese in all of its boundless glory, and realized I didn't know a whole lot about it. For instance, what does one need to do to milk so that one gets Gouda instead of Brie? Are bacteria always involved? What is rennet? How many cheeses are there? You can bet I looked it up:

http://www.cheese.com/

Go figure! The website pretty much has it all. It even has an [extensive] alphabetical list of cheeses! You can sort the cheeses by milk, by name, by texture, and by country! When I sorted their cheese database by milk, I found that there is one variety of cheese made from yak's milk! I want some!

You can find most other information regarding cheese on MSN Encarta:

http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761560939/Cheese.html

And here is a picture of some cheeses!

With what shall I smoke, dear lab, dear lab?

2005-07-29T20:43:00.000-04:00

Ok. Fine. I really could care less who should see this, because I am at my wit's end and I'm going crazy in Dana Science Center. Again.

You see, it's Friday and i've been needlessly and obnoxiously harassed all week and I don't want to be here more than I've ever not wanted to be here before. And I want to smoke pot, but my stupid godforsaken smoking device is in someone's glove compartment and I certainly don't want to call said someone to request its return. So I need to figure out how to get my poor little self high. Boy does THAT sound desperate, but I'm not quite sure you understand. Or maybe you do. I just can't bear the fluorescent lights anymore. No, not when I could have my hand wrapped around a frosty gin and tonic, sitting on a porch in the pleasant night air. Nope.

I guess the next best thing to that would be to smoke some old disgusting pot using a single [2-ply] KimWipe as a rolling paper. Or is it? I'll look it up:

Nevermind. I just made a gravity bong out of a Poland Spring bottle (apprx. .38L in volume), some tinfoil (thermal conductance (U)), a sterile toothpick, and a bunsen burner lighter.

Back to work!

Death by Autoclave

2005-07-27T13:20:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I was opening the door to our autoclave to take out some steamy glassware, and the machine made a horrible sound and shot huge puff of steam out of somewhere on its top. I yelped and jumped back, covering my face with the huge filthy "hot mitts," and then thought about how exactly dangerous an autoclave is. For confirmation of this fear, I looked it up:

http://www2.umdnj.edu/eohssweb/aiha/accidents/autoclave.htm

Clearly, my fears are not unfounded!

Also, they have huge 100 million dollar autoclaves for sterilizing starships! I harbor 100 million dollars worth of fear for these autoclaves-- the chances of getting trapped inside and steam-burned to death are simply to high.

http://www.bobscherer.com/images/Pages/Starship/Development%20and%20Construction/Starship%20Autoclave%20Lg.jpg

Prosthetic leg fetish groups

2005-07-19T21:22:00.000-04:00

Well, fine. I'll admit it. I've always kind of liked the idea of knowing someone with a/having my own prosthetic limb. I realize that most people that actually have prosthetic limbs DON'T like it as much as I do, but I think that's more their problem than mine. I wondered if anyone else shares my love for smooth, titanium-crafted, super strong legs, so I looked it up.

I found THIS:

"Posted by Bill M. on 05-05-01, 02:49 PM (EST)

Actually, I am an amputee fetishist, but didn't know it until I came to this web site. I've had caretaking fantasies of dating a 4 limb amputee and putting her in a back pack to go places - hiking, movies, etc., with her head on my shoulder. I guess I liked that we would always have to be together and mothering fantasies of feeding her. Then it would sort of get incorporated into my other fetishes, like building robotic arms and legs for her, or making the limbs into a pony, or a tiger, a spider, or a bird. There's a lot of potential for all sorts of fetish fantasies when you can make any body part you want - animal, human, or robotic.
Apart from fantasy, if your amputee partner were adventurous enough, you really could get creative - there are SO many possibilities, even with a single limb amputee. Hmm, this is getting me exited!

There was a woman I know that could bend her head all the way back so that from the front, it looked like she was headless - I got dizzy the first time I saw her do that."

Nevermind. I don't like fake legs anymore...

Or...

Inteins!

2005-07-13T03:20:00.000-04:00

I recently visited Dr. Paul Masters' lab at the Wadsworth Center in Albany, NY and he asked if I'd ever heard of "inteins." Now, I've heard some great [relatively] new terms science to date, including-- "interactome," "reactome," and "in silico," and I've made a bit of fun of each-- so, the term "intein" initially received the skeptical brow. However, after Dr. Masters told me that inteins are a self-"splicing" component of proteins that are not only capable of extricating themselves and leaving behind the rest of the protein (aptly termed the extein, go figure), but ALSO that they have a unique enzymatic function after they've spliced themselves away from the original protein. This unique function seems to usually be that of a "homing endonuclease" which then goes onto open up other genes and insert the DNA that encodes the intein part of the protein therein! This is, of course, after I looked it up:

This is a database of intein information, including known inteins sorted by species:

http://www.neb.com/neb/inteins.html

It's interesting to note that in a lot of the more "simple" organisms, inteins seem to be pretty important enzymes--like polymerases, helicases, ATPases, and cell division control proteins. Also interestingly, D. melanogaster and C. elegans don't seem to have any inteins. This may make sense, as many sources describe inteins as being very "primitive" parasitic elements.

Go to pubmed and look up inteins and see how absolutely crazy it is to think that we'll ever figure out how the cell *really* works!

Alum!

2005-05-22T13:48:00.000-04:00

And I'm not talking about that bitter white powder, I'm talking about me because I graduated all over the place yesterday. Now I have to go home. I wonder if this rain is going to stop, so maybe I should look it up...

How Many People are Graduating with Me????

2005-05-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

Honestly, I just don't know. I simply have no idea-- except I did make an estimate based on those at Graduation Rehearsal: ~300 people.

I'm going to look it up.

Approximately 530 members of the Class of 2005 will receive bachelor's degrees at Skidmore College's 94th Commencement exercises on Saturday, May 21. The ceremony, open to the public, will begin at 11 a.m. at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

Thanks, www.skidmore.edu home page. Apparently "mandatory" doesn't mean everyone. If everyone was indeed at graduation rehearsal, my visual estimation of 530 is pretty poor. Riddled with error.

No longer am I at the "undergraduate level."

Slinky Experiment

2005-05-14T04:49:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm drunk and a bunch of people were just here drinking before they went out to drink more, so now I'm alone in my house! The Slinky Toy came out during the "party" and I did an experiment with it after everyone left. I started the Slinky by dropping it down one stair, then two stairs, and then a maximum of three stairs to see how it would make it down my 11 steps.

Results:

When dropped from one stair, the Slinky jauntily made its way down the stairs, one step at a time. Almost like clockwork!

When dropped from two stairs, the Slinky made its way [less jauntily] down the stairs, but about 4 stairs from the bottom somehow reverted back to taking the stairs one step at a time!

When dropped from three stairs, the Slinky lurched down the stairs awkwardly until ONE step from the landing where it took the last step BY ONE. It regained its preferred "one by one" on the last step. I wondered if anyone else had done casual research on the Slinky Toy stair-spain preference, so I looked it up:

High school research:
http://home.messiah.edu/~barrett/slinky/home.html

Other research:
http://courses.ncssm.edu/hsi/miniterm2000/fallingslinky/mslinkydrops.htm

I don't really like physics.

What's so great about Nyquil?

2005-05-12T13:30:00.000-04:00

I was getting sick with lots of trapped phlegm and scratchy throat, and so Barn and I made a late night trip to Price Chopper for some Nyquil and ice cream. I took what one might consider to be 2.5 adult doses and [eventually] went to sleep. I feel like a million bucks this morning, I mean it! One million dollars! So what's so great about nyquil? I've looked it up:

Dextromethorphan (DXM):

DXM acts centrally to elevate the threshold for coughing. At the doses recommended for treating coughs (1/6 to 1/3 ounce of medication, containing 15 mg to 30 mg dextromethorphan), the drug is safe and effective. At much higher doses (4 or more ounces), dextromethorphan produces disassociative effects similar to those of PCP and ketamine.

STREET TERMS: Orange Crush, Triple C's, C-C-C, Red Devils, Skittles, DXM, Dex, Vitamin D, Robo, Robo-trippin', Robo-dosing.

DXM EFFECTS: Euphoria, enhanced awareness, impaired judgment, loss of coordination, dizziness, nausea, seizures, panic attacks, psychosis, brain damage, and addiction. Coma and death may result from taking cold medicines with DXM.

Oh.

That's funny, on the bottle they say that it's for "cough." Next time, I'm getting the generic stuff. That means I'll get my Vitamin D for much cheaper.

Time to iron my physics book in hopes of selling it back today! Won't be able to look up stuff about PHYSICS anymore, no siree.

What WAS that crazy mathematician's name in the movie "Pi"?

2005-03-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

Mark something? Matt? I looked it up:

Max Cohen.

Duhsville. The whole "trying to find the name of God in the Torah using numbers" should have jogged my memory.

How do I "wash out" my nose?

2005-03-21T12:50:00.000-05:00

I have chronic sinusitis and someone told me to "wash out" my nose with salt water. There was no elaboration regarding the actual technique, so I looked it up:

A warm salt-water solution poured through the nose may offer some relief from both allergic and infectious sinusitis. A ceramic pot, known as a “neti lota” pot, makes this procedure easy. Alternatively, a small watering pot with a tapered spout may be used. Fill the pot with warm water and add enough salt so the solution tastes like tears. Stand over a sink, tilt your head far to one side so your ear is parallel to the floor, and pour the solution into the upper nostril, allowing it to drain through the lower nostril. Repeat on the other side. This procedure may be performed two or three times a day.
(http://www.truestarhealth.com/Notes/1275000.html)

This person fashioned a nose-washing machine!

"Instead of a neti, I use a jerry-rigged waterpik as a pulsatile irrigation system. I got a Sinus Cleanse (http://www.unimedprod.com/) bottle from my doctor, cut off part of the tube with the head, cut the head of a waterpik, and used a section of aquarium airline as a gasket. It works really well, and the waterpik is supposed to stimulate better than a neti because the pulsing is supposed to be better for the cilia."

I can see a ton of shit going wrong with either one of these methods, and I'm really loathe to stick a teapot spout in my nostril, but if that crazy mathematician in the movie "Pi" can drill a hole through his skull to obliterate that "genius spot" of his, then I can surely run a little water through my nose.

What's wrong with Girl Scout Cookies?

2005-03-19T23:21:00.000-05:00

There was a threatening-looking article on MSN about "The terrbile truth about Girl Scout Cookies" and I didn't look at it. I've seen a few boxes of Thin Mints around lately and I've been worried. So I looked it up:

According to the NYTimes,
"If that wasn't enough, the Girl Scouts are fending off concerns that the cookies have high levels of unhealthy trans fats. The national office has even had to deny that child labor was used to produce the chocolate that covers the popular Thin Mints."

What's a group of ravens called?

2005-03-14T23:44:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that many crows all together is called a "murder," but I couldn't remember (or didn't know in the first place) what a collection of ravens was called. I looked it up:

A conspiracy of ravens.

I don't remember what internet source I gleaned such a sentence from, but thanks and parenthesis and dates and all...

Pi day.

2005-03-14T23:34:00.001-05:00

Well, happy Pi day, duhh...

What exactly is laudanum?

2005-03-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

After half a Percoset tablet and some tea, I became curious about all the alkaloids present in opium poppies. I remembered laudanum from "Oregon Trail" and also from Edgar Alan Poe, and wanted to know how one concots such a thing. I looked it up:

Laudanum
Tincture of opium.

Usually a liquid, but the alcoholic extract can be subsequently dried as well.

Preparation instructions from Culpeper's Complete Herbal, 1653:
Take of Thebane Opium extracted in spirit of Wine, one ounce, Saffron alike extracted, a dram and an half, Castorium one dram: let them be taken in tincture of half an ounce of species Diambræ newly made in spirit of Wine, add to them Ambergris, Musk, of each six grains, oil of Nutmegs ten drops, evaporate the moisture away in a bath, and leave the mass.
(lycaeum.com)

I'll get right on that, drams and all...

How do nano-sized drug delivery micelles ACTUALLY target cancer cells?

2005-03-10T15:13:00.000-05:00

I just attended a most excellent presentation on using micelles to deliver anti-cancer drugs, and because the scope of the presentation was mostly focused on the chemistry aspects I was left wondering how a tiny bubble of lipid-like molecules is able to specifically "find" tumor tissue. Why don't the micelles just fuse with everything and totally poison your entire body? I looked it up:

One way is by exploiting the "EPR effect" (which WAS mentioned in the presentation). EPR stands for Enhanced Permeability and Retention, and tumor tissue apparently has these enhanced characteristics. According to the National Cancer Center Research Institute of Japan in 2003, the EPR effect in solid tumor tissue got its name through the following pathophysiological characteristics: (a) hypervasculature; (b) incomplete vascular architecture; (c) several vascular permeability factors stimulating extravasation within the cancer; and (d) little drainage of macromolecules and particulates.

I suppose I trust that.

Another way to ensure that your drug-filled micelle gets to the tumor is to link some tissue-specific molecular marker or "vector" to the outside of the micelle. Some of these vectors include: antibodies, peptides, lectins, saccharides, and hormones. However, antibodies are most common vector used these days.

Nanotechnology!

Thanks to Kate for teaching us about some awesome research.

Internal Ribosome Entry Sites (IRES)

2005-03-09T12:51:00.000-05:00

I wanted to know if an IRES was a linear sequence or an mRNA secondary structure. Technically, I should have assumed that a linear sequence might lead to a secondary structure (based on the laws of protein assembly) but I didn't. I looked it up:

IRES elements are highly structured cis-acting regions on the viral RNA. They serve as binding sites for proteins of the translational apparatus and facilitate the internal entry of ribosomes independently of the 5´-end of the viral RNA or a cap-nucleotide.

So this one mRNA was like, "you don't have to recognize my cap to sit down" and the ribosome was all like, "okay." Together, they made a completely different protein...

2005-03-09T10:20:00.000-05:00

Internal Ribosomal Entry Sites (IRES)

More favorite Reoviridae species

2005-03-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

Mono Lake virus
Sixgun city virus

All viruses are, among other things,

2005-03-09T00:49:00.000-05:00

parasites of translation.
(Flint et al., Principles of Virology, 2nd edition)

Taxonomic structure of the family Reoviridae

2005-03-08T23:11:00.000-05:00

I wanted to know what kinds of viruses were in the family Reoviridae. I looked it up:

Family 00.060. Reoviridae
Genus 00.060.0.01. Orthoreovirus
Genus 00.060.0.02. Obrivirus
Genus 00.060.0.03. Rotavirus
Genus 00.060.0.04. Coltivirus
Genus 00.060.0.10. Seadornavirus
Genus 00.060.0.05. Aquareovirus
Genus 00.060.0.06. Cypovirus
Genus 00.060.0.11. Entomoreovirus
Genus 00.060.0.07. Fijivirus
Genus 00.060.0.08. Phytoreovirus
Genus 00.060.0.09. Oryzavirus

You can click these links and look things up.

Some of my favorite subgroups:
Epizootic hemorrhagic disease virus
Telligerry virus
Above Maiden virus
Cape Wrath virus
Poovoot virus
Colorado tick fever virus
Operophtera brumata cypovirus 2

Southern blotting

2005-03-08T22:47:00.000-05:00

I could have sworn the oligos for Southern blotting were made of RNA, but that doesn't really make sense in retrospect. I looked it up:

The basics of Southern blotting (from MBOC 4):

Southern blotting is used to analyze DNA as opposed to its analagous method of analyzing RNA, Northern blotting. Your sample (DNA or RNA) is resolved using gel electrophoresis, and transferred to a membrane (now called the blot) either by electrotransfer or by stacking piles of heavy books on top of the blot allowing for passive transfer. In both Northern and Southern blotting, single-stranded DNA oligonucleotide probes are hybridized to a target sequence in your sample. Depending on the variety of label is present in your oligonucleotide probe, the bands on the blot are visualized using autoragiography or by chemical means.

Uh-Oh. Blog?

2005-03-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

I find myself looking things up a lot of the time